Fear of commitment and fear of abandonment often occur in combination with each other, you often actually have both fears. Fear is always a lack of trust and we always need some form of safety and security, or ‘control’, control has a negative association for me, it means that you are not in the ‘surrender’ mode and don’t dare to trust that happiness is yours. It strikes me that it often occurs with people who take life too seriously because of their childhood / youth (most of the time there were some traumatic events), it is often people with an analytical character who want to understand everything. For people who are familiar with Astrology, I have the feeling that there is often a lot of Scorpio in the horoscope, so as a Zodiac sign or, for example, as a Moon sign or Rising Sign or that there is a certain connection in your horoscope with Pluto that makes you more intense and ‘different’ (at least in your experience). What I also often hear from clients is that they don’t feel at home here on earth, they often miss that real deeper connection with others, but they may also be afraid of it. People with fear of commitment often also have a form of fear of failure or fear of new things, you can be less open in life and may even have or develop agoraphobia or other fears or phobias. As a coach I have already been able to support many people in this, I understand exactly how you feel.

If you are dealing with someone who has a fear of commitment, you probably have another form of fear, namely separation anxiety. Your feelings and mind are probably in conflict and you look at the core of someone, you know that they behave this way out of a certain pain and that is why they don’t fully commit to you. You want to be there for the other and therefore you may forget your own limits and needs. Even though you know / feel that it might be better to break contact, you still can’t, it feels like you can’t let them go.

It may be that this pattern has already arisen in your childhood or youth (for example, because you were adopted / violence in the family / divorced parents) or only in love relationships (at a slightly older age), you may have also seen such a pattern with your parents that one had to adapt every time to keep the other satisfied, so that one gave more than the other. There are also relationships that are dysfunctional but somehow still ‘work’ (survive). Breaking patterns that you have already seen (and often adopted) in your childhood is difficult but not impossible. Traumas can also play a role in the development of fear of commitment or fear of abandonment.

In my opinion, the standard rules about dating, flirting and relationships are also based on a man and woman who are out of balance. The male energy likes to ‘hunt’ and the female likes to be ‘conquered’. The man who loses interest after he has ‘conquered’ the woman has, in my opinion, a form of fear of commitment and/or fear of abandonment, if you really feel comfortable in your own skin then you don’t want to play ‘games’ and consciously or unconsciously hurt other people and then true love is the ‘icing’ on the cake. The reason why a man withdraws from the contact can therefore be because you yourself unconsciously ‘want too much’ which creates a forced energy, so it is not your ‘fault’ but it is no coincidence if you keep attracting the same superficial type who withdraws the moment you really open up or show interest.